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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and key events, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to learn that an online journalist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker entered a community college to access the restrooms in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women’s Bigger Cup updates concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|